


brace yourself.

by leonardwatch



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of past abuse, Pining, Unrequited Love, canon divergence as in we're gonna be nice to mishima unlike atlus ok, or so he thinks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-03
Updated: 2017-05-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 04:25:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10801662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leonardwatch/pseuds/leonardwatch
Summary: It’s like a downwards spiral. He’s waiting for the person who he has a crush on to say everything that almost every other person in his life has said, waiting for the mistreatment and harsh words, yet Akira never delivers that blow. Akira never does what he’s expecting him to, and it puts him on edge, leaves him shocked, but also lets him trust Akira more, and then the cycle continues except each time it hurts him more.





	brace yourself.

Out of all of the things Mishima was expecting when he decided to befriend Akira Kurusu, falling head over heels in love with him was definitely not one of them.

Being in love with him was something hard to accept, definitely, but the consequences and his inner thoughts were worse for him. It was one thing to be in love with him, but having your mind scream that it’s unrequited and that he’d never look at you in the same way was something else. His anxiety and self-doubt was getting the better of him, and he’d given up fighting it and started to accept it. However, what really made it difficult was Akira. It’s like Mishima was waiting for Akira to catch on, waiting for him to mock him or treat him coldly or to hurt him. It’s not like Mishima wasn’t used to it after all, he spent all his years in middle school being bullied only to end up being abused by Kamoshida when he entered high school. Akira never did that though. Almost every conversation with Akira, Mishima could feel the anxiety and worry after every message he sent or word he said, waiting for Akira’s brutal words. They never come however, he’s blunt but considerate. It almost makes it worse; it makes Mishima enjoy Akira more and reminds him of how he loves him.

As Mishima texts Akira at near 1AM, he’s almost expecting that same blow. Mishima gives him the information on a new target, cushioning his texts with an abundance of “I’m sorry”, “I know it’s late but—“, still waiting on some harsh words, yet Akira never does. His texts back are still the same short blunt words. Never hurtful.

It’s something different. When you’re used to everyone mistreating you, you begin to expect it, and the fact that Akira was defying those expectations was new, unexpected, and wonderful yet alarming all at the same time.

He doesn’t know what to do at this point. He’s fallen for Akira for so many reasons. His looks, his kindness and understanding, Akira was a great guy. His thoughts are conflicting and spiraling out of control. After texting Akira, he can feel the heat on his face, the butterflies in his stomach, it makes him so happy and so nervous at the same time.

Mishima doesn’t have the energy to manage the Phan-Site right now. He feels like curling up in his bed and sleeping, but he knows he won’t be getting any sleep with these thoughts still on his mind, how he’s stuck with this unrequited love, how Akira’s words are simultaneously wonderful and a relief that makes him fall for him and just a soft blow that damages him and surprises him. It’s conflicting, it’s confusing, and it hurts. He’s resorted to doing the same thing he does almost every night now: curling up under the sheets, his head resting on his arm as his other hand flips through the multiple conversations he’s had with Akira.

Then there’s a switch in the routine. Akira messages him first for once, and for a moment, Mishima feels like the sky is crashing down.

Just when he thinks he going to fall asleep, Akira actually messages him first. It’s not about the target Mishima just gave him info on either. He’s actually asking about his plans. Mishima feels like his heart is about to leap out of his chest.

The message gives Mishima a wave of anxiety. It’s still blunt and to the point, just like Akira. “What are your plans for tomorrow?” it reads.

Mishima remembers that tomorrow is Sunday. He’s quick to respond, “No plans really. Why do you ask?”

There’s a pause. Akira is typing. Mishima’s worries grow as he awaits a response.

“I want to talk to you about something. Can you meet me at Inokashira Park?”

Akira’s response doesn’t calm Mishima’s nerves. His anxiety is now through the roof, and he’s absolutely panicked about what Akira could want to talk to him about. Half of his mind is screaming to avoid him, ignore the text or just flat out reject his offer, but the other half needs to know what Akira could want with him, what it is he wants to talk about. Regardless, both parts are ruled by anxiety and worry.

After a moment of deliberation, he’s decided putting it off would only worsen the situation. “Yeah, works for me. What did you want to meet up for? Is it about the target?” he types, trying to coerce the subject from Akira.

“No, but we’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

Thanks Akira, but that doesn’t calm Mishima’s nerves in the slightest.

Mishima’s practically screaming in his mind at this point. He locks his phone and thinks that maybe this is that blow he’s been waiting for ever since he befriended Akira. Maybe now Akira has caught on and is going to confront him tomorrow. It’s like waiting for a timer to go off, and maybe now it’s time, time for Mishima to face what he knew was coming all this time, and yet despite that he’s finally getting the hit he’s been bracing himself for all this time, he doesn’t want it to end. He still cherishes the friendship he has with Akira, even if he wants something more.

Maybe the fact that he loves Akira is what makes this so difficult.

Mishima lets out a sigh and further curls himself up under the sheets. Sleeping now seems almost impossible, but it can’t hurt to try.

The next morning, Mishima found out that even though it didn’t hurt to try, that didn’t mean sleep would suddenly become possible. His whole body was tense as he got on the train to Inokashira, and the lack of sleep and anxiety didn’t help at all. No matter how much he tried to reassure himself that afterwards it would be for the better, he knew today that everything would come crashing down. What friendship he had with Akira was going to be all over. Mishima could almost hear the words Akira was going to say, “You’re annoying”, “You’re useless”, it’s the same things he’s been told by his peers and Kamoshida all those years. The biggest kick however is when Mishima pictures Akira looking at him with a mix of annoyance and disgust on his face, telling him how he knew of Mishima’s crush on him and how weird it is and how he would never like him in that way.

Mishima clenches his hands in his pockets. He’s been expecting this and preparing for it for a while now, yet that didn’t make it any easier. He takes a deep breath as he the train approaches his stop, attempting to steel himself one last time before facing the inevitable.

As he approaches their meeting spot in Inokashira Park, Mishima sees that Akira is already there, sitting on the railing near the river and looking at his phone. He can’t help but to admire him for a moment, how Akira can take traits that would seem normal on anyone else, frizzy hair, glasses, grey eyes, and yet he looks so charming and beautiful, and yet this might be the last time he can admire him like this, while Akira is still his friend.

Time to face the music. He approaches Akira.

Akira must’ve heard Mishima’s footsteps because he looks up at puts away his phone as he sees him. Mishima sees his bag by his feet, the cat that he usually sees poking its head out nowhere to be found. Akira then stands and greets him with a quick “Hey.”

Mishima tries to show no signs of worry for the coming events. He only smiles in return and responds, “Hey! It was kind of out the blue whenever you asked to meet up like this today. What did you want to talk about?”

This is it. This is everything he’s steeled himself for, the punch that he’s always expected, everything he’s had with Akira, how he’s loved him from afar, everything will end once Akira really lets him know he feels.

“Why is it you almost exclusively talk about the Phantom Thieves with me?”

… huh?

Akira is looking straight at him as he speaks, “I understand you really like them, and I’m glad you’re able to find out about smaller targets, but really is that it with our friendship, just the Phantom Thieves?”

Mishima is stunned. He’s absolutely baffled. This isn’t what he was expecting at all, it’s like the timer’s still going, and all he can do is stare back at Akira wide-eyed. He tries to speak but nothing’s coming out. He can’t collect his thoughts.

There’s a moment of silence before Akira speaks up, “Mishima? Are you alright? You look pale.”

Mishima can’t even answer. It’s like a downwards spiral. He’s waiting for the person who he has a crush on to say everything that almost every other person in his life has said, waiting for the mistreatment and harsh words, yet Akira never delivers that blow. Akira never does what he’s expecting him to, and it puts him on edge, leaves him shocked, but also lets him trust Akira more, and then the cycle continues except each time it hurts him more.

Mishima can only let out a soft “I…” before Akira really notices something isn’t right. Akira then comments, “Hey, do you need to sit down?”

Mishima nods. Akira is careful with him as he places his hand on the back of Mishima’s shoulder and gestures over to the railing to sit down. Once he’s seated, Akira sits down near him on the railing, not too close to give him space.

Mishima is still trying to collect his thoughts. He doesn’t understand. The wait is agonizing. He’s been bracing himself all throughout their friendship for it. Here he really expected it, yet Akira wasn’t going to do it.

There’s another moment of silence while Mishima tries to recollect himself. Akira is patient. He waits for Mishima to look more relaxed before asking, “Is everything alright?”

Mishima can only offer a small “I’m sorry” in response as he tries to think about what he could say to get himself out of this situation. He’d take the antagonizing waiting for his relationship and crush to end than feel like he’s on the spot like this.

Akira then responds, “There’s no need to feel sorry; I just want to make sure you’re okay. Is there anything I can do to help, or have I done something to upset you?”

That last part sends Mishima’s thoughts into overdrive and then there’s nothing he can do to stop the waterfall of emotions that comes from his mouth.

Mishima jolts to a stand before exclaiming, “It’s what you haven’t done! I don’t understand you!” He’s not angry, and he hopes Akira doesn’t think he is. He’s just confused, anxious, and hurting. “I thought today was it, the day you actually told me off and mistreat me like everyone else has and does, but you never do! Why don’t you? Aren’t you tired of me yet!?”

Akira tries to interject with a soft “Mishima—“ but Mishima is having none of it.

“I don’t understand; do you not understand how agonizing it is waiting for it? Do you not understand how hard it is for me to wait like this, especially when I’ve ended up falling in love with you? Why are you so different from everyone else?!”

It’s now Akira turn to look at him wide-eyed, and what Mishima’s said hits him like a force of a speeding truck.

Mishima’s now extremely panicked. He sits back down on the railing and immediately apologizes, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you like that or say those things or make this your problem, I’m really sorry, and I understand if—“

Akira successfully stops Mishima this time with a soft “Yuuki”, and Mishima is simply too stunned to continue. Hearing Akira actually say his given name was like a gift he never thought he’d receive; he didn’t think Akira would ever want to be that close to him.

Mishima’s now staring back at Akira, his face red. Akira then continues, “I’m not going to berate you or hurt you. I’ve seen a lot of your sides in the past few months we’ve been friends. I just wanted to talk to you today because I was concerned we only talk about the Phantom Thieves in the end.”

Mishima now feels like an absolute fool as he tries to respond, “I don’t mean to do that! I just… wanted something to talk to you about, I…”

As Mishima trails off, Akira adds, “But looks like I was wrong. I thought you only wanted to be friends with the Phantom Thieves. I didn’t realize you had a crush on me.”

“I… thought you’d be disgusted if you knew,” Mishima says as he buries his hands in his face, no longer to maintain eye contact with Akira.

“I’m not disgusted at all,” Akira reassures him. “I know it’s hard to offer a lot of solace when you seem to be struggling like this, but I’m not out to hurt you. I’m not going to mistreat you in the future. I’m here because I genuinely like you as a person.”

Mishima then starts crying into his hands because now he’s flooded with emotions, mainly the relief he feels to Akira say these things to him. Akira truly defies all expectations. Listening to him speak about how he cares for him was something Mishima never expected, yet here they are. He doesn’t know what to say at this point.

Akira moves closer to Mishima places a hand on his back to comfort him, and Mishima almost instinctively leaned into Akira’s shoulder, tearing his hands away from his face as he sobbed on Akira’s jacket. Mishima almost expected to be pushed away by Akira, but no, Akira instead moves to wrap his arm around him. Despite his prior embarrassment from confessing his emotions and secrets, he doesn't want this moment to end. This closeness, warmth, and sense of comfort is something Mishima never imagined would happen.

As Mishima starts to calm down and his tears dry up, he finally feels able to speak, “So you really aren’t disgusted with me?”

Akira doesn’t complain about his worries. “Of course not,” he answers.

“Even if I’m in love with you?”

“Why would that bother me?”

Akira’s statement has Mishima reeling.

Mishima takes his head off of Akira’s shoulder to look up at him, shocked yet hopeful. He can’t help but love Akira’s eyes; they seem so soft behind the frames of his glasses, and Mishima wants nothing more than for him to lean down a little bit and kiss him. It’s amazing how quickly Akira’s turned his thinking around, how fast he’s been able to reassure him after Mishima’s shown his true feelings, and maybe it’s only temporary and his fears will return in the future, but right now Akira is for him, and he gets the feeling he will be in the future as well.

Akira softly smiles as he speaks, “Although it’s something else, how this all started with a miscommunication. I was just expecting to talk to you about how we should do other things instead of just meeting to talk about the Phantom Thieves or the Phan-Site.”

Mishima still feels embarrassment. He looks down for a moment and says, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make this about my fears…”

Akira shakes his head and responds, “You don’t need to apologize. Maybe it’s better you told me so we can talk about it.”

Mishima should’ve guessed that. Of course, if he’s going to have a friendship or even a relationship with Akira like this it’s going to require communication. There’s one question that now sits unanswered in the back of Mishima’s mind out of this meetup. If there’s a time to ask it, it’s now. There’s still a bit of anxiety in his mind, but right now he feels safe, feels like he can speak without expecting that hit he’s so used to expecting.

“When you said that it didn’t bother you that I like you… maybe I’m just hoping, but is there a chance you could feel the same?”

There isn’t an immediate response so Mishima looks up at Akira to see that same soft smile and kind eyes. At that moment, Akira moves his arm from around his shoulder to hold one of Mishima’s hands. Mishima can feel the blush on his face, and the answer from that action alone is so clear he almost misses Akira’s verbal response.

He’s no longer expecting that blow. He doesn’t feel the need to steel himself, and maybe it’s work in progress so he doesn’t expect others, especially Akira, to hurt him, but that’s okay. The first step was made, and in the process, he found the biggest comfort of all: requited love.

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted to be nice to mishima and cherish him after all he's been through and the obvious crush he had on me but no, atlus made 3/4 of the answers to him be fucking RUDE smh


End file.
